Caring at home

… I do see sometimes it’s really hard for the family member that’s providing the care, and I have this sense of, ‘I think you really need to step aside and maybe go and get some fresh air,’ or maybe, ‘Just take 24 hours off.’ Because if I feel like it’s upsetting it’s going to be upsetting the client… it’s been on my mind. I’ve sensed it. I’m worried about it. And I’ve always gone back and everything’s ka pai, hunky dory, life goes on again. I kind of been in a situation where I, I think the carer’s going to blow… and it’s sad if the client’s going to be in among this [situation].

But I do wonder [when] family members [are] 24/7 caring and they won’t let go because, [quoting whānau member] ‘I want to do it.’ [Quoting herself], ‘But you know that you… aren’t good or aren’t well… take some time out.’

… They also don’t know what my role might be. And sometimes it’s not always appropriate to try and go in, and say to whānau, ‘This is what I do. This is my role, this is my place at, at hospice.’ Sometimes it’s just about sitting down and just letting them talk, or I talk for a wee while. And then you start to read each other’s body [open up], it’s that relationship building thing.

[W]ell my boss knows. You know, I get really involved in my clients… and they give me a week off, something like that. [I’m] emotionally drained… after the death. But I have to go, I have to be there before they go to the undertakers…. [Then] I have to go back and see my other patients that are still here on this earth… And with that, I just go to the [client’s] house before they go to the undertakers, and the funeral day… I’m usually there [during work hours or] I’m on my way to go to there, sorta thing [when they die].

They [whānau] offer their services but it’s, you know, for them, it’s time [out] for them. They need to go do their own stuff. And this is how I build my rapport with my patients. 'See ya. Don’t need the whānau, I can do this,' sorta thing. Yeah, [whānau need a] bit of a breather.

I’m reminded a few years ago my brother who’s a year and a day younger than me passed on. One of the things that I remember quite distinctly was the fact that the resources he was able to attain; because he was actually given the choice by the specialist when he was in hospital, either to pass in hospital or whether he’d like to go home. Well most Māori will always say ‘I want to go home’ and in doing that, there were two people that had… redone his whole thing [bathroom] into a walk-in shower… they’d got the latest hospital bed into the sitting room and it was all those types of things, that really contributed to his, his passing.

Plus, his specialist came and mihi[‘d] to the family. Beautiful and he let all the whānau know where he was at, what was happening. And then [the specialist], his last words I remember is that, ‘I’m here to make his transition painless and seamless as possible.’ And for me ah, that’s you know, it’s beautiful. And this is the specialist. And I think he had a love for Māori culture. And he knew how everyone was feeling, all the family was feeling. But to have him come in, and he changed his medication because we could see the pain that my brother was going through.